July 27, 2018

Lord,

I don't know if all the families got reunited with their kids today.  But I thank you for the court order that made the effort possible.  Thank you for the lawyers and the advocates, and for the HHS officials and employees that were caught up in all of this but kept working on behalf of those families.  Please help those families who now have a case number and an ankle bracelet around their ankles to reach safe havens soon, and begin to build their lives in this country safely.  Thank you for the rule of law. 

Thanks that the president went out to face the farmers in the midwest today.  Please Lord, help him make good on this trade war.  Please help him to find away to balance trade so that people who voted for him, people whose lives are impacted by free trade in negative ways, can regain their dignity and rebuild their communities.

I'm not interested in talking about anything negative tonight.  I'm tired, Lord.  Bless the president.  Touch his heart.

Amen.

July 25, 2018

Dear Father,

So...today we got to hear recordings of the president discussing paying off a Playboy model with his ex-lawyer.  Let me begin by saying I don't feel like listening to anything about casting the first stone. I know I'm a sinner.  I know I've done some pretty deplorable things.  So forgive me for those, but can you please, Lord, open people's eyes and hearts on this one?  When will your church stand up and call him out?  When is too much too much?

Help me to know what I'm afraid of...and to pray more specifically about that.  I think I'm afraid that truth doesn't matter anymore.  That dignity and integrity don't matter anymore.  I'm afraid that your church is associated with all of this in the eyes of the unbelievers.

Help me put my faith in you.  Restore your Eden in my life; help me shed my sense of responsibility for doing what only you can do.  I know you have allowed him to be in power for a reason.  May that reason glorify you.  Not the Evangelical right, not the moral majority, not me.  May your perfect plan be something I put my trust in.

Amen.

Oh yes.  I'm supposed to pray for him.  In love.  I pray that he has a good night's rest tonight and wakes up refreshed and positive.

July 24, 2018

Headlines:

R.I.P. Ivanka Inc.

As the first daughter folds her fashion brand, a to-do list. (New York Times)

Jared Kushner Flames Out 

(New York Times)

Trump, Cohen discussed 'financing' of possible Playboy model payment on secret recording (Fox News)

Feds on track to reunite more than 1,600 families separated at border by deadline (Washington Times)

So Father, I'm here on my bed, ready to go to sleep, and I remembered I'm supposed to be praying for the president.  So let me start by thanking you for today.  Thank you that it didn't rain as hard as it was supposed to.  That was nice.

I'm asking for your forgiveness again, Lord, because in trying to figure out what's been happening in Trumpland today I automatically went to the sources I know will scratch my itch.  I want to apologize for wanting to be angry at him.  I'm sorry for reading about Ivanka's business struggles with a certain glee.  I'm sorry for being so righteously indignant about her not being a more effective advisor to her father.  Because I don't know what sorts of pressures she faces as a daughter, and as a person who cares about her family's legacy.  I pray that you'll bless her work.  I pray that you strengthen her voice so that she can speak out for women's rights; like the right not to have their president back abusive candidates, or hire abusive employees.  Help her to speak to the special strength that women have, but also to the vulnerabilities that they experience every day.  Let her be a champion.

I pray that you'll be with Jared Kushner, too.  And again, I know I've deliberately clicked on links that predict his imminent demise, and that I do it because it's satisfying to be angry at him for just...being.  But bless him, too.  Bless his work; his responsibilities are huge.  Whether or not he's qualified, he's trusted by the president to carry them out.  Don't allow him to use his position for financial gain.  Bless his marriage, bless his children.  Lord, I honestly don't care at this moment about either of those things, but I know you do.  And I'm trying.

I guess...thank you that the president isn't going to leave the Americans hit hard by his trade war high and dry.  I don't know if it's right or wrong, but thank you that farmers will not be left hanging by retaliation to the president's trade policies.  But I pray that if it's that easy to hand out $12 billion, that it also be used to support education programs, and programs that support Americans that are struggling with making ends meet.

Lord, I don't even know what to say about the president and his shenanigans with porn stars.  I pray for both Stormy Daniels and the president.  I pray that the seediness of the situation not merely be a laughing stock, but strikes us all as a deeply disturbing occurrence that denigrates just about everything a healthy relationship should be.

I'm tired Lord.  I thank you that this experiment is already working, somewhat.  And that I was able to log on to some fairly conservative news sites and read some balanced articles.  I needed to do that.  Lord, it does smart to read that some officials congratulate themselves on the reunification of over 1400 families separated at the border, when such a reunification wouldn't have been necessary absent Trump's zero-tolerance policy...but I'll take it.  I pray for the 450 families that remain separated, and whose parents have been deported with no way of contacting their children.  Lord, guide the officials and lawyers involved in reconnecting these families.  I can only imagine the fear and anxiety that consumes them.  Be their comfort, Lord.

Amen.

Why?

Why pray for Trump?  It's simple.  I'm a Christian.  There are no ifs, ands, or buts.  Hate is wrong.  Two rules guide us:  Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul.  And love your neighbor as yourself.  Jesus made it even more clear, as was his custom.  He issued this intense challenge: love your enemies.

Trump?  He's my enemy.  No ifs, ands, or buts.  I feel attacked by the very notion that he occupies the presidency.  I feel attacked when I think of the women he bragged about groping.  I feel attacked by the shamelessness that has gripped some Americans as they rail against people of color and immigrants. I feel attacked by his impetuousness in his relations with those who are worthy of his respect, including foreign powers. I feel attacked by his inability to stand up to powers that have sought to undermine our electoral process.  I feel attacked and terrified by his tweeting habits. I feel attacked by his choices for those who shape the law of the land. I feel attacked by his utter disregard for American democracy as it should be.  I feel attacked by the very sound of his voice because I feel it delivers too many bogus claims and lies, spoken in moronic English, and with the smug cadences of a little kid.

And more, I feel attacked every time I hear his supporters on the radio, or see their pictures in my facebook feed, or sit beside them in church.

Trump is my enemy, no ifs, ands, or buts.  But I'm his enemy, too.  This is not the dynamic Jesus intended for His people.  He did not say "Love your enemy" while indicating certain loopholes.  He understood that any quarter given would be a quarter taken; let a little hate in, and you'll be consumed by it.

I am consumed by hatred of our president.  And it feels wrong.  It feels heavy.  It hurts.  In other words, it feels like sin.  Which it is, if you take seriously what Christ commands.  Which I do.

I have tried to use reasoning to release myself from the burden of this much hatred.  I have read analyses of his actions so that I can understand them better, I have searched for silver linings and any good news, and when neither of these courses of action proved effective, I swore off the news, altogether.

But the news is everywhere.  It's unrelenting.  Even the media outlets I rely on to inform me - the reasonable but clearly somewhat left-leaning papers and radio shows - have set their anchors in the reliable silt of the presidents' words, thoughts, and actions.  All Americans seem now to be at the complete mercy of the roller-coaster ride that has been the Trump presidency thus far.  All of these loops and turns and the insane trajectory of the thing are making many of us sick.

But are we truly at the mercy of this presidency?  Am I truly at the mercy of this roller-coaster ride?  Or could it be that this is the moment when I put Jesus' challenge to the test and ask for His mercy?  Because if I'm truly to love President Trump, then I will need all the mercy I can get.  You can't love your enemy until you first recognize the sheer intensity with which Christ loved his enemies. He didn't love them just a little bit, or in a socially acceptable way.  He loved them completely.  Enough to die for them.

Who am I to accept that sacrifice on my behalf, and then reject the example it's supposed to set?  Who am I to say "Thanks, but no thanks"?  Who am I to call myself a Christian and then say - without shame - that I hate President Trump?

I'm a nobody.  It starts there.  It starts with me bending my knee at the cross, thanking my savior, asking for His mercy, and then starting from scratch.  Because I can't carry this burden of hatred and fear.  I can't carry this much anguish and uncertainty.  I can't walk around with this much disillusionment.  It feels like poison.  It feels like sin.  It is sin.

So this blog is me bending my knee.  Thanking Jesus.  Asking for mercy.  And then doing what He did when faced with His enemies.  I will pray for President Trump.  I'll try to do this one day at a time.  I will be sincere.  I will try not to showboat.  I will make this a public record of my prayers only because I want to shine a light on Christ's example.  And because I want others to pray for the president, too.

Some days my prayers might be long and anguished.  Somedays, God willing, short and full of praise.  They will never be particularly eloquent.  They will rarely resonate with anyone but me, and thankfully, the one I pray to.  Sadly, in my experience as a Christian, I use prayer as a last-ditch effort to salvage something important to me.  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to use prayer as a daily exercise to strengthen my faith in the power of Jesus' example, and in the power of His words to save humanity and reconcile it to the good, loving, and generous God who made us.  To date, I don't think anything I have felt or said about the president or my country has reflected any of this power.  Rather, I have allowed myself to be dragged down in to the mire by negativity.  Enough.  I am reaching my hand out towards the cross in the hope that Christ will lift me up and show me what it's like not to walk around burdened by hatred anymore.  I've been thinking more and more often of the example of a fellow Christian, and someone who faced worse circumstances than most of us could possibly imagine.  Here's what he said:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.).

So I'll pray.  I'll pray for Donald J. Trump, and I'll try to do it in love.  What's the worst that could happen?  I wouldn't be a Christian if I didn't believe in the power of prayer to change people.  Whether God chooses to change something in how the president thinks, acts, or speaks is completely up to God.  But it's the change in me I need most desperately.  And right now it feels like prayer is about the only thing that might drive out the darkness.

If you come across this blog and wish to add a prayer of your own in the comments, it will be music to God's ears.  Even if it contradicts my prayer.  Don't overthink that; we pray to a God who's way smarter than we are.

July 23, 2018

Headlines:

Trump Threatens Iran’s Leader in All-Caps Tweet

FBI Document Alleges Trump Adviser Carter Page Conspired with Russia

Trump Reverses Course Again, Calling Russian Election Meddling a Hoax

Trump Calls on NFL to Suspend Players Who Protest During Anthem

North Korea Starts Dismantling Key Missile Facilities, Report Says

Father, thank you for letting me come to you.  Thank you for listening.  Thank you for never changing.  Thank you for being good.  Thank you that your mercies truly do not end.  Limitless mercies...what a thing.  Thank you for that, Lord.  Thank you that you extend these mercies to good people and bad people.  Thank you that we're all the same to you.  That we're all worth dying for.  In spite of how stupid we are sometimes, and how petty and how bitter.  Thank you that you carry my burdens with me, and feel the stings of my hurts just as acutely as I do.  Thank you that I'm not alone.  Thank you that you feel the hurt and anger of Trump supporters just as acutely as they do, too.  Thank you for being that kind of God.  Thank you for not playing favorites.  It makes it easier for me to know that no one is beyond loving.  Not them, not me.  

Forgive me for saying "them" and "me".  Forgive me.  You created a garden that we were all welcome in.  And we destroyed it.  We're still destroying it.  Forgive me for doubting you.  Forgive me for thinking you don't have Donald Trump in your care.  Forgive me for thinking you're not watching over him.  Forgive me for thinking you fell asleep on the job and he snuck in.  Forgive me for thinking I have to handle it because you've lost control.

Help me.  Giving so much power to fear has removed you from the picture.  No wonder I sometimes feel like I'm floundering.  But still, help me.  Help me to accept your plan in all this.  Because it seems insane.  Every day brings news that cannot seem to contribute to the work of your kingdom.  There are children deliberately separated from parents at the border, Lord.  How can it be that Christian friends justify it by stating immigration laws?  Be merciful to me as I listen.  Be merciful to them as they listen to me.

Today, Father, President Trump has floated the idea of revoking security clearances of former high ranking intelligence chiefs.  I hear this and I hear goose steps.  I am scared, Lord.  Today, President Trump also tweeted that if Iran threatened the US again, they would suffer a fate worse than...whatever he said.  Lord, I am scared.

Please, Father, hear my prayer.  Please let calmer voices prevail whenever he wants to tweet something to challenge an adversary.  Please surround him with wise, assertive advisors that he will listen to.  Please bend his will so that his ego is not so easily wounded.  Please help him to truly put the interests of this country first, rather than the need to project his own personal will power.

Lord, if I've judged him wrongly, if I've misjudged his motives and character, help me to see that.  Help him to show me that.  I know he constantly feels attacked, and this can't be easy.  Comfort him. Guide him.

For my part, Lord, please allow me to see that he loves his country.  That's about all I can give him, right now.  Oh, and Lord - thank you that North Korea is actually dismantling some of its rockets as part of the nuclear disarmament discussions.  Thank you that something positive seems to be coming out of that, Lord.  I do praise you (sometimes), that Trump is not always a business as usual guy.  I just pray that he doesn't get us all killed.

Amen.